A Queens Supermarket Musical

Posted: October 25th, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: Entertainment, Humor | 1 Comment »

I’ve written about Improv Everywhere before. They are a collective that organizes “missions” with “agents”, such as one of my favorites, the Frozen Grand Central,  the Best Buy Mission and the Home Depot Slow Motion mission.

Their latest mission, Grocery Store Musical, takes 6 actors who burst into song and dance in a Queens, New York, supermarket and when done resume their shopping duties. The music was played over the store’s PA system.


Painfully Honest and Epic Mobile Home Commercial

Posted: October 21st, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: Humor | Comments Off on Painfully Honest and Epic Mobile Home Commercial


Disorder in the Courts

Posted: October 3rd, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: Humor | Tags: | Comments Off on Disorder in the Courts

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

Considering some of the attorneys and justices I’ve had the, um, privilege of being in court with, I pretty certain I’ve met the authors of these quotes…

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ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

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ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?

WITNESS: July 18th.

ATTORNEY: What year?

WITNESS: Every year.

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ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

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ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?

WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.

ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?

WITNESS: Forty-five years.

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ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan.

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ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

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ATTORNEY: Now doctor isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: Uh, he’s twenty-one.

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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?

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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Uh….

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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

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ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?

What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Huh?

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ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.


Frostie

Posted: March 16th, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: Humor | Tags: | Comments Off on Frostie

Animals are funny and provide endless entertainment. Here is Frostie, shaking his tail to Ray Charles. Will someone from ICM, CAA or United sign him up for a new Disney show…


What a day in the news

Posted: January 21st, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: Humor | Tags: | Comments Off on What a day in the news

From the Joy of Tech….

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Bring Your Kid To Work Day

Posted: January 5th, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: Humor | Tags: | Comments Off on Bring Your Kid To Work Day

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BEST COMEBACK RESPONSE OF THE YEAR

Posted: April 1st, 2008 | Author: | Filed under: Humor | Tags: | 3 Comments »

Every now and then I get an email story from someone. This one is one of the better one’s I’ve received in a while.

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If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police man’s credibility…

Q: “Officer — did you see my client fleeing the scene?”

A: “No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.”

Q: “Officer — who provided this description?”

A: “The officer who responded to the scene.”

Q: “A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?”

A: “Yes, sir. With my life.”

Q: “With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?”

A: “Yes sir, we do!”

Q: “And do you have a locker in the room?”

A: “Yes sir, I do.”

Q: “And do you have a lock on your locker?”

A: “Yes sir.”

Q: “Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?”

A: “You see, sir — we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.”

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year’s “Best Comeback” line — and we think he’ll win.


The Big-Dog Quadraped Beta

Posted: March 27th, 2008 | Author: | Filed under: Humor, Robots | Tags: | 4 Comments »

Seedwell made a very parody of the Big-Dog video that has become so popular. Check it out: The BigDog Quadraped Beta

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